We tried the Maryland State Fair’s new foods. Here’s what’s worth eating again.

I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for state fairs. The 4-H kids tending to animals they’ve raised for years, the stomach-churning rides I can no longer tolerate, the prideful displays of farm machinery. But what really draws me in is the food. It’s a glorious display of wretched excess: funnel cakes and elephant ears. Cheese curds and curly fries. Street corn, creamed corn, roasted corn, caramel corn.

I’m a cookbook author, former caterer and barbecue judge, so I volunteered for a hardship assignment at The Banner: testing all eight new foods at the Maryland State Fair in Timonium. Four are savory; four are sweet. We at The Banner take our journalism seriously, so I brought along photojournalist Kaitlin Newman and videographer Stokely Baksh to document my reactions and provide additional commentary. I also brought water as a palate cleanser and was able to pay for everything with a credit card.

Herewith are the can’t-miss eats and the ones you’d be OK to skip.

Pork belly stacker at the Pork Booth

For $17, you get a tidy mix of penny-size pieces of smoked pork belly dressed with bourbon bacon jam, a heap of creamed corn and a pale-yellow square of cornbread. If you haven’t eaten in a few hours, you’ll be tempted to tear into this one. Kaitlin and Stokely agreed it had great umami, but the cornbread — smothered by the pork and the corn — was soggy. The pork belly didn’t crackle, and the jam was too cloying. The dish tasted more like a dessert than an entree. Save your appetite for the fair’s other pork-based options.

Stuffed smoked turkey drum at the Turkey Booth

There’s a LOT going on here: a gigantic turkey leg stuffed with andouille turkey sausage and dirty rice, with a shower of green onions and a remoulade sauce drizzled on top. At the first bite, your mind drifts to medieval times and knights jousting, farmers starving, peasants rioting ... whoops, that’s the Renaissance Festival. Anyway, we all agreed the richness of the dish would work better in the fall or winter than on a sunny, 85-degree day. Bonus, though: You’ll have leftovers for your dreary cubicle lunch, which makes the $27 price tag a bargain.

Tea Party 250 at the Tiki Tea stand

In case you don’t know, this year is America’s 250th birthday (technically, we’re celebrating the adoption of the Declaration of Independence in 1776). The Tiki Tea folks have gone all out with their offering: a tall glass of extremely sweet iced tea topped with a cupcake AND a lollipop AND an American flag AND a plastic ring. “You could put some creamsicle vodka in this and CRUSH it,” Kaitlin said. One sip of the $11 drink and I exclaimed, “It tastes like birthday cake!” That’s because of the birthday cake-flavored syrup they use. Do not let your elementary school-age kids consume this; they’ll be bouncing off the walls at 3 a.m.

Bacon cheddar roll at Vocelli Pizza

This dish could be a clever appetizer at your next backyard bash. It consists of tiny pieces of bacon with cheddar and mozzarella cheeses wrapped in pizza dough flavored with garlic olive oil. You can dunk it in the marinara sauce that comes with it, but it’s not strictly necessary. You get eight for $12.72, perfect for splitting with friends. This is a good snack option between rides, because you won’t feel stuffed after eating two or three or five.

Sweet Land of Liberty at the Lil Stack Shack

Our plan was to save the desserts for last, but we ran into the Lil Stack Shack on our way to the final savory dish on our list. So, naturally, we had to sample the Sweet Land of Liberty. It consisted of fried doughnuts topped with strawberries, blueberries, whipped cream and American-themed decorations. It definitely was the prettiest dish we saw. (The doughnuts are prepackaged and run through a machine to warm them, we learned). The dish is $17.43 and easily serves several people.

Crabzilla fries at Shugar Shack Soulfood

I was hoping to try an only-in-Maryland dish. I got my wish with crabzilla fries — french fries piled high with lump crabmeat, garlic truffle butter, Parmesan cheese, crab cake crumble, a “creamy crab drizzle” and, of course, Old Bay seasoning. “Feels like it needs some hot sauce,” Stokely said. The presentation of the $22.56 dish was lovely — a latticework of decadence — but after two bites I was done. If you’re craving something rich, make sure you’ve gone on all the rides you want to before eating this or an unfortunate food-related incident may occur.

Banana puddin’ churro nachos at Shugar Shack Soulfood

Sometimes what seems like too much of a good thing turns out to be just what a sore heart needs. If you have to eat your feelings, for $15.45 this is a good option: cinnamon-sugar churro bites topped with banana pudding, sweet potato pie drizzle, slices of banana, crushed vanilla wafers, caramel, a dusting of powdered sugar, and I have gained 20 pounds just writing this. “It’s got depth and texture,” Kaitlin proclaimed. “You really gotta share it, though.” I will note for the record that I selfishly took the leftovers home to heat up next week.

Star-spangled sundae at Spring Meadow Farms

We staggered back to the main food area to try this one, which in a photograph looked interesting enough: an ice cream parfait with blueberries and strawberries, topped with whipped cream ripples and a miniature America 250 flag. What we got was ... ice cream with bands of fruit and some whipped cream on top. If it’s true that we eat with our eyes first, then the presentation lacked punch. If you want something refreshing, buy this for $11 and eat it fast before it melts. If you want something creative or decadent, look elsewhere.

And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to run a couple of 5Ks this week to work off what I ate. The fair returns Sept. 3-7 and Sept. 10-13, so there’s plenty of time for you to make your own questionable decisions.