Hello, Taxes. It’s been a while.

Yeah, almost no one thinks about me until it’s time. Me and Death: an afterthought. But it’s budget season in Maryland and beyond, when cities, counties and even those doofuses in Washington fight over me and my sister, Spend. So it’s a good time to catch up. You, mortals, have to deal with me sooner or later. I am eternal.

I live in Anne Arundel County, where County Executive Steuart Pittman said Monday that taxes should go up. My property tax bill will rise about $200 starting July 1, if he gets his way. The second-term Democrat said he wants $2.14 billion for Spend.

Did you know Steuart is a horseman who doesn’t bet on the ponies? It’s an interesting statement about his character. He likes me a little bit ... well, it’s more of a love-hate thing. He increased me a bit in his first four years and then kept me flat when he ran for reelection last year. His opponent ran on a plan to cut me and Spend. Steuart styled himself as a fiscal moderate. You argued in a column that his win was a sign that Anne Arundel County had moved past thinking about me as the boogeyman. I’m not sure.

Boo! I’m back! Did I scare you?

Steuart wants to raise the rate for my oldest boy, Property Tax, from about 93 cents to 98 cents per $100 of the value that state tax assessors decide your house is worth. He’s taking back the pennies he let pass last spring. So, take the average home value, and values are always going up, multiply by the rate, and the average bill will go from $3,203 to $3,407.

That doesn’t sound that bad. Will people be upset with that?

I guess the question is, what people? I think most people, probably not. Politicians who want to, you know, argue against it will of course make an issue of it and then be glad that it was done if they ever end up with Steuart’s job. But you know I don’t like raising myself. I mean, 200 bucks is 200 bucks. Ask Steuart, and he’ll say it’s an uncomfortable thing to do. But if you suffered through his budget town halls, you heard people say: “I want you to pay for this and I’m willing to have my taxes increased to pay for it.” Be careful what you ask for.

Steuart will have to bust through the tax revenue cap, put in place during a homeowner revolt 40 years ago, to raise this much money. The General Assembly gave local jurisdictions power to do this a few years ago if the money goes for education.

Property taxes aren’t the only source of money for Spend, right?

I am a many-splendored funding source.

Steuart can set different rates for local Income Taxes — local Property Tax’s little brother — making those who can afford to pay more do so. That’s why Income Tax will go up for couples who make more than $480,000 or individuals who earn more than $400,000 a year. He will bite about 2% of the county population, on top of his cousins, Federal and State Income Taxes.

Together, higher property taxes plus rising property values and income taxes will increase the moolah that Steuart gives my sister, Spend.

One of my sons is feeling down this year. His formal name is Recordation and Transfer — it’s a family name — but most people know him as real estate tax or the government’s taste when you sell a property.

Rising interest rates, which drive up the cost of a mortgage, are causing fewer people to buy homes. They just can’t afford it. And that means good ol’ Recordation and Transfer is down. He produced $33 million less this year.

Is that why other taxes are up?

Partly. Steuart definitely wants more for Spend. Not in an out-with-friends-buy-a round way, but in a $9.5 million way. Spend loves this budget. She could get a Lamborghini Veneno for that kind of money.

Steuart’s buying an Italian supercar?

You wish. He drives a Honda Civic.

No, Spend will use that money to up her contribution to Anne Arundel County Public Schools to about $880 million, a $45 million hike over the current budget. That’s about a 5% increase over this year, but only part of the overall, $1.4 billion schools budget.

Remember the guns or butter theory from Economics 101? Yeah, me neither. I looked it up. There is a whole lot of butter in this budget.

I mean, half of what Spend does in this budget is schools, 50%. And another 20% of the whole operating budget is public safety. That’s guns in this scenario. And then that only leaves 30% for everything else.

It basically is an 8% salary increase for teachers, a 10% cost-of-living increase for school bus drivers, and a $2,000 bonus to attract special ed teachers and give $5 a day raises to substitutes. That was big — $76 million big. It was the biggest ask Steuart got. It includes more than 200 new positions in schools and a workforce training program required by the state.

Rick Hutzell: Another day, another accident on Forest Drive, Annapolis’ most dangerous roadway

Is Spend getting more elsewhere?

Yes, but proportionately much smaller. Police are getting about $18 million more to fill 22 vacant officer positions and add a dozen more. The fire department would see a $19.5 million increase and 18 new firefighters.

Spend will get some new capital projects, including starting work on a transportation center that will take years to fund and build, for example. But most construction money is going for existing school projects, like the new Old Mill High.

One remarkable thing is the continuing willingness to spend on social programs that the federal government paid for during the pandemic, even though that emergency money has stopped flowing. Spend is getting $1 million for the Anne Arundel County Food Bank.

She is getting a Health Department position to deal with gun violence in Annapolis, one to help people getting out of jail find better ways forward, one to work on housing and another one for veterans’ services. There are 75 new non-education jobs in all.

Steuart’s got a plan for Spend on county housing programs, which make it easier to buy and pay for a home or develop affordable housing, by increasing Recordation and Transfer on houses over $400,000. It will generate $7 million a year.

Wait, there are other tax increases?

Yes. I warned you. You can’t avoid me.

My middle kid, Hotel Occupancy Tax, will go from 7% to 8%. Spend will use some of the extra $1.8 million to deal with climate change and sea level rise. And I’m expecting a new baby. If all goes well, I’ll add a 25-cent fee on every Uber, Lyft or similar ride-sharing services.

What if I don’t like you or your sister?

Well, the council started deliberations Monday afternoon and must finish by June 15. The three Republicans may have more objections this year than last because of me and sis, but more tax-amenable Democrats hold the majority.

The public can give its 2 cents at public hearings on May 11 in Annapolis and May 18 in Crofton.

You could move. But Anne Arundel has the lowest property tax rate in the Baltimore-Washington area. Montgomery County is eyeing a 10-cent increase this year.

What about Delaware?

I’m lower there, true. The Blue Chicken state is a tax haven for corporations, and that’s how I roll in Del.

But if you move to Delaware, consider this. You’re in Delaware.

rick.hutzell@thebaltimorebanner.com